requiem for a doofus

posted at 2:11 am by brandon in idolatry

Notwithstanding, for sure, your ingeniously flukish performance of Jeff Buckley’s (by way of Leonard Cohen’s) “Hallelujah,” I never had much use for you, Jason. Your dull, dirty hair — which, I swear to Jesus, I want to wash for about three or four days — is easily the most fascinating thing about you. You’re almost certainly not cognizant enough to feel guilty about robbing my beloved Brooke of another shot to build on the momentum of her sensational comeback last week; after all, sir, you couldn’t even summon, when you needed it most (!), the ONE lyric from “Mr. Tambourine Man” — the one about the jingle jangle morning, natch, and something tells me you’ve known a few of those, am I right? — that even people who can’t sing that song on a bet know!

Not since the outrageously outmatched Nikki McKibbin squeaked into season one’s top three has a more obviously underqualified contestant reached “Idol’s” vaunted upper echelon, which I s’pose proves as handily as anything could that old canard about fooling all of the people some of the time. Chin up, Jase: in time, you’ll become the most famous opening act at luaus the world over, and you’ll recall — no doubt with wistful, flippant fondness — the season you and your stringy, matted mane magnetized a nation’s entire electorate toward voting with its thumbs for the happy busking hobo.

Fare thee well, Mr. Castro. Your pumpkin awaits.

4 responses to “requiem for a doofus”

  1. the buzz from A.:

    “Your pumpkin awaits.” Is that a quotation or a reference that is generally well-known? Is this another indication that, as you put it, I have been living under a rock for some time?

  2. the buzz from brandon:

    Cinderella’s fairy godmother turned a pumpkin into a horse-drawn carriage to take her to the ball, with the caveat that the carriage would turn back into a pumpkin at midnight. 🙂

  3. the buzz from A.:

    Duh! Thank you for not including any further remarks in your answer; I feel like well, a doofus even without them!

  4. the buzz from brandon:

    You knew the answer; you just didn’t KNOW that you knew. 🙂