Joan Osborne — “These Arms of Mine” (from How Sweet It Is) — These Arms of Mine - How Sweet It Is

So, here’s one from the it sucks getting old file: I have apparently — I say apparently because this is based on a diagnosis made by my mother, a brilliant registered nurse, via telephone some five hundred miles away from my physical location — developed a nefariously nasty case of tendinitis in my right bicep muscle, and Mom reports that the best course of treatment that doesn’t involve true medical intervention is to ingest six-to-eight-hundred milligrams of a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug (ibuprofen, naproxen sodium, e.g.) every six hours, without fail. Thus, like clockwork, I have been downing four Advils four times a day for the past week, in the hopes that this affliction will soon go back to wherever the hell it came from. Mom says I may have to follow this protocol for at least a month in order to fully eradicate the inflammation, so if you happen to encounter me in the next few weeks and get the distinct impression that I am flying as high as a kite, it’s quite possible that I in actual fact am. (I certainly feel as though I’m well on my way to becoming a Skid Row junkie!) But if that’s the price I have to pay to be able to again lift something heavier than a can of Cherry Coke with my right arm without wincing in wrenching pain, I’m perfectly willing to make that trade-off.

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