the Buzz for April 24th, 2008


So, Carly.

I never really cottoned to you or your pretentious tattoos. (As one of the three hundred (!) people you bought your debut album seven years ago, I have yet to forgive you for your wobbly, pitchless cover of Danielle Brisebois’ shamefully underappreciated classic “Just Missed the Train.”) And I found your thoroughly atrocious desecration of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” a few weeks back to be unconscionable. And I mistrust entirely anybody whose singing accent is diametrically opposed to their speaking accent.

Still, strangely, seeing you go this evening broke my heart into eighteen pieces, especially since your too-early exit means that foppish Jason survives another week. If that dreadlocked fool subjects us to a sleepy take on “Red, Red Wine” or “Love on the Rocks” during Neil Diamond night next Tuesday, I’m personally holding you and your Judas complex responsible.

Bye bye bye, Carly. You’re already missed.